I Said What What
by The Amazing Fetus
Summary: Based on a true story that I have seen documented many times on the internet and on medical TV shows. Because whats adolescence without some really horrifying masturbation techniques?


_  
The best part about this little thing is that this happens quite frequently in reality. _

For the past week or so Ciel had finally learned how to bathe himself. It was a moment of both pride and relief for his loyal butler; who had insisted that thirteen was way too old to need someone to bathe him. His little master had always disagreed with this rationale, of course. In his eyes, the butler should consider bathing him to be a privilege and should feel honored to do so. However, things went far different this night than they usually did.

"Sebastian…." Said a tiny little voice coming from the bathroom. His butler sighed and knocked on the door twice, Ciel had probably forgotten how to drain the tub.

"Yes Young Master?"

"I need help."

"To drain the tub, all you do is pull the chain."

"Not with that."

"Do you need me to help towel you off?"

"No. It's something else. Just get in here."  
The sight Sebastian saw was well, it was pretty damn funny. Or at least to a demon it was, most demons really had the common sense not to do these things. He couldn't help but laugh at the sight.

"Help me you bastard!" Ciel screamed at him. "This fucking hurts!"

"Well no wonder why it does…" giggle. "what is that?" Sebastian pointed at Ciel's rear end.

"It's the soap bottle. I slipped in the tub and fell on it." Ciel crossed his arms.  
Sebastian sighed and paused for a second, carefully thinking of which words might be the correct ones to use in this particular situation.

"One simply does not 'slip and fall' on something in that position."

"Shut up and take this out right now or I'll wring your bloody neck." Ciel commanded him.

"Tell me Young Master, how exactly did you manage this one without screaming on the impact."

"Shut up and fucking help me." Ciel growled, growing increasingly uncomfortable and also quite irritable. Sebastian could not share his irritability as he has still playing his poker face the best he could in order to keep himself from bursting out laughing again.

"Yes, my lord." Ciel laid down on a towel on the bathroom floor while Sebastian tried his hardest to pull the bottle out without absolutely no luck and an impressive amount of profanity coming from Ciel's mouth. Then again, who doesn't scream out profanity when in large amounts of pain? It's not even like they had all that many good drugs back in the day either.

"It won't come out." Sebastian said, washing his now blood-covered hands in the bathroom sink while Ciel glared up at him.

"You better get it out before I order you to thrash your head against a bed of spikes."  
Sebastian sighed and he had to admit it- he was beaten. Surprisingly, he had never seen anyone do something this blatantly stupid before; but then again after his childhood he decided that all teenage boys are bunch of dumbasses and that he should keep away.

"We're going to have to call in a doctor."

"OH HELL NO." Ciel protested, trying to sit up and making a frail squeaky pain noise before laying back down again in complete and utter defeat.

"I am afraid that I only know of one doctor who would be willing to come here on such short notice."

"No."

"I think we're just going to have to call-"

_"NO!"_

"Madame Red."

"Fuck you Sebastian. Fuck you." Sebastian kneeled down and pat Ciel on the shoulder.

"In your condition it'll be weeks before you can do that."

"I hate you."

Angelina Durless, when she was phoned on her nephew's condition practically sprinted all the way to up to his bathroom. It was like she wasn't wearing four inch heels or a corset at all. Being one of Ciel's last living family members, she took it upon herself to take care of him the best she possibly could. She also took it upon herself to open the door and gasp at the sight before her. A naked preteen with a bottle caught up his rear with an older man standing behind him laughing. Things would have looked pretty suspicious if she didn't already know about Ciel's little 'accident'.

"Ciel. Honey. How did this happen?" she asked as she snapped on a pair of medical gloves, and took out her medical kit. Ciel simply looked away in shame.

"I slipped in the tub and fell on it." He explained, wincing as the doctor pulled the glass bottle out of his ass and handed it to Sebastian to clean it off. The butler raised an eyebrow in disgust and was more happy than usual at the fact that he always bought his white gloves in wholesale amount. Angelina slipped off the gloves and threw them in the trash bin.

"Lucky you didn't tear any muscles." She commented and helped Ciel into his pajamas, and he used her as a crutch to get into bed where he was tucked in like a small child.

"I'm coming back here tomorrow and we are going to have a very, _very_ long conversation."


End file.
